if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
