What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
