Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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