Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
