i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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