I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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