someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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