hotel room ftw
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
