Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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