Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
