is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
