Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
