Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
