Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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