If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
