I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
