fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
