My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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