You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
