I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
nutella sex= disaster
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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