Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
