i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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