remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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