you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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