Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
