1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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