check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
