I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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