When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
