Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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