yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
