They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
