is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
