White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this just has baby written all over it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
