Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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