think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
