You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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