genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Acid is not a monday night drug
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize