I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
