I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
