You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
