talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize