Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
