why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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