I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize