Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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