Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
please come you make the beer taste better
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
