So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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