A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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