You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
