In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
