quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
