I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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