State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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