his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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