I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
