There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
