He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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