All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
