honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
