I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
