I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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