what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
