I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
