I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
