My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
