So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
