she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
